Here are some of the best tips to keep in mind when you can’t attend an event and need to politely reject an invitation: 1 You must make up your mind and respond – always respond. Choose the appropriate setting to refuse her. Don’t put them in your waiting list for bad times. I want to say no to people but then don’t want everyone to drop out from coming to her party. “When you feel uncomfortable, it shows,” Gottsman, the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, told HuffPost. If you want to minimize it, accept the request. The intent of this approach is to not reject them outright, but to let them know I’m hustlin’ and have a very busy calendar.This response sends the message that their issue had better be pretty important, and if they really want to meet with you, they’ll take the offered time slot in the distant future. These tips are coming from a recovering let's have coffee person. This kills off another 10% of the meetings. I really do try to respond to every email I get from readers, email newsletter subscribers, referrals, etc. There's usually plenty of time to talk to each person. You’re so kind to think of me, but I can’t. It is much easier to say no to an invitation when we have a concrete reason for doing so—a way to justify our refusal beyond the vague notion that we should avoid the commitment in question. But let's be honest. I’d go with something like, “Thank you for inviting me. Can we rain check?” It’s not a hard “no,” just “no for now,” she explains. “… but I’m not able to take any more meetings or calls during normal business hours. But there are times when any of us struggle with refusing a request. No … You can say, “Thank you so much! I am grateful that you included me (us) among your guests for this special occasion. NYer. It seems like the busier you get, the more coffee invites you receive. And then you feel another pang of guilt. Customize them to your unique situation, and suddenly turning things down will be a whole lot less panic-inducing. One thing I've discovered over the years is that asking someone to do the tiniest bit of real work is an unreasonably effective way of separating out the posers from the operators.Say something like "I'd love to meet with you but I don't want to waste your time so I'd like you to send me X first so I can look it over and come up with N suggestions before we meet". Maybe it's an indicator of success, but as you climb up the ladder, you'll find the But don’t worry. Unfortunately, I’ve got my priorities set for the year and this just doesn’t fit in. It's a whole boatload of responses from smart people on the topic of "how to politely turn down someone who asks you to just 'grab coffee sometime. This will allow you to confidently turn down the invitation guilt-free. “… but unfortunately my schedule is so packed at this time that I can only take calls and meetings with paying clients. In fact, I just blogged about 14 people I want to grab a cup of joe with in the year ahead . I usually never hear from these people again.And there you have it—seven painless ways to say no. Be polite, such as “Thanks for asking.” Practice saying no. So many very interesting posts! Better yet, don't burn bridges.If your schedule is packed, prioritize your business development meetings outside of the office. Write down why saying no will increase your happiness, productivity, and sense of integrity. Simply say, ‘Thank you so much. 6 Steps To Capture The Full Attention Of Any…. Let’s just connect when you’re less busy.” And they go away.4. If we hit it off during coffee hour, we can always set up a one-on-one later. Regrettably, I’m not able to. But I use this on people who are really, really persistent. Remember that it is better to say no now than be resentful later. I’m flattered! It's not like they're asking for hours and hours. 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management. Unless it's true, don't tell him that you're in a relationship. The Fine Print: When you say that you miss your partner, the hostess could reply with a suggestion to bring them along. They almost always disappear instead.3. And if you don’t decide how you want to spend your TME—and then protect those resources accordingly—other people will decide for you. Account active People often request your time because they think you know something that can help them or that you are a decision maker that can buy something. Your "thanks, but no can do" is all you need to offer As it turns out, there’s no need to explain why you aren’t going to an event. You just need to be straightforward. If I know they’re a persistent stranger just trying to sell me something, I can easily say no. How to Ask to For a Coffee Meeting Here’s how I’d ask a business development badass I’d want to meet for coffee. And then you feel the pang of guilt: They are just a nice well-meaning person and they are asking for a small favor and it might be fun to grab coffee with them. Posting here belies the "I'm too busy" response. It doesn't matter how trivial the request is, I still can't quite figure out why it's so effective. So, if you ask me to coffee, here are some questions I may ask myself before I say “Yes” or “No.” Feel free to use these questions yourself when you have similar … As of July 1, LinkedIn will no longer support the Internet Explorer 11 browser. There's a self-help group for you. The new discount codes are constantly updated on Couponxoo. ET on Thursday of next week. The hall is big but if half the invites bring siblings then there could be almost 50 kids!!!!! Do they understand how, if you were to actually "grab coffee sometime" with even half the folks who asked you to "grab coffee sometime" you would never do anything but grab coffee? In those cases, what’s the best way then to turn someone down?I personally answer numerous emails from strangers each day, but I rarely accept the daily requests for “buy you a cup of coffee” or “15-minute phone call.” I often send a response email beginning with “Thanks for reaching out,” followed by: 1. That’s true both at work and in personal relationships. I say no if someone's trying to sell me something and I don't even use any code words for this situation. Alternatively, some people find extending an invitation to a group more stressful, since if their suggestion goes nowhere, they feel like a whole bunch of people is passing judgment on them. Thanks for understanding.”I use this approach for people who are looking for free advice that will benefit them and their company tremendously.It’s really incredible how often people who already have decent income and assets will ask for time and information that will make them a ton of money, but they don’t think to hire someone for the answer. Because remember: ---Kevin Kruse is the author of 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management and “The Millionaire Day Planner: A 1-Page Planning Tool.”. When a colleague asks you to take on a project you don’t have the bandwidth for, pushing back without leaving them feeling rebuffed is a valuable skill. There’s no excuse for not responding to that coffee invite As an independent consultant, I have coffee with a lot of people in any given year. But if a friend or business partner suggested they call me, I don’t want to ignore them out of courtesy to my friend.But this approach puts a burden back on the requester. You’re a busy personso it’s perfectly reasonable for you to say that you need to check your schedule before answering. If you want to be in the middle, politely decline. I have been purposefully making the time to keep in touch with friends and family by phone or in person to keep connected and not just by text or email.Following through on having coffee with someone is also my way of maintaining perspective and humanity - it's a small gesture that can have a big impact. If you’re a consultant, author, coach, or highly successful in your field, you undoubtedly get emails and LinkedIn messages from people who want to talk to you. At my previous job (Adaptive Path) we had weekly "tea" (aka happy hour) every Friday at 4pm. Jen Bekman, Entrepreneur. I think "Coffee" is just the code word for I'd like some of your time. Do they understand how many people ask you to "grab coffee sometime?" If you are talking about some sort of invite outside the business realm, or an invite from a person in your "network" that could create business development, you may just have to suck it up and end the coffee after 30 minutes. Say no simply and politely. I’m sorry, but I have to decline.” It’s polite and it gets your point across clearly. The truth is, people will understand when you decline an invitation politely and clearly. I only use this line about once or twice a year, because if the person calls my bluff, I’ll actually have to stay up late or drag my butt out of bed to take the call. It would be great to catch up with you should we cross paths at this or that upcoming event. If the person persists, I suggest we chat in real-time to talk via Skype. When You’re Asked to Take on Extra Work by a Colleague It's convenient because it can sync with Google Calendar.b) I have a no-meetings-on-Monday-and-Friday policy that I tell people about. Do You Have Your Pre-Performance Ritual Down. Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t. How To Say No To Coffee Invitation Overview. It can be difficult to tell someone no in the moment. Subscriber If you aren’t, or if you’ve “delegated” that decision making power to someone on your team, use this approach.You can always qualify it by saying something like, “The fastest way to make progress on this is for you to talk directly to my colleague Paulina. However, there may be times when you need to write a note. If you’re interested, could you send over a draft agenda so I can see what we’ll be covering and what desired outcome you are hoping for?”Again, if you don’t want to just reject the person, this type of response is a good way to let them know you’re very busy, so if they really want to talk to you, they’d better be willing to do some pre-work. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. And, if anyone ever says, “You bet, I’ll call you then,” I can always respond and say I found a way to move something around and that we can talk during normal business hours.5. If you you struggle to say no because you fear facing people’s disappointment, ask people to text or email you their request so you can get back to them. Once they send you a follow-up, it is much easier to send them a polite reply saying that you’re unable to agree to their req… Let me know if that works for you.”Notice the time slot is a.m., not p.m.; that’s on purpose. I’ve found that most of these people just respond and say, “Oh, no worries, you sound swamped. Getting asked to coffee is like being approached in a bar. ", And then, feeling both annoyed and guilty, you move the email to your "DEAL WITH IT LATER" folder so you can postpone the decision forever and not have to feel like a jerk for being so selfish as to not want to blow an hour with someone who has merely asked you to "grab coffee sometime. Their initial request is usually something like, “Kevin, you’re a New York Times bestselling author and I want to become one too,” or “Kevin, you’re a self-made millionaire and I want to become one too.” Yet they won’t take the call at 2 in the morning to hit the bestseller lists or to become a millionaire. You can’t really be your happiest, most authentic self if you regularly abdicate this responsibility.Beyond that I look at sayi… What's different with group invitations is what happens after they start considering the plan. Imagine a scenario and then practice saying no either by yourself or with a friend. Sign up for Innovation Inc. By clicking ‘Sign up’, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider If you don’t then say, “- No, I am not interested” and let them move on. When offered or asked to go to coffee, I'll either schedule it on the spot or ask my assistant to contact them and schedule a meeting. The act of the approach is status-lowering. I don't want to ever get 'too busy' and inaccessible to people because I remember how gracious and helpful others were to me in my life4. If someone's not understanding, so be it. Don't make excuses. I have learned so many unexpected things from others6. If someone's really persistent and/or I'm interested but over-scheduled, as is often the case, I'll invite them to come by the office for a quick hello, but I always limit it to 30 minutes and make sure that there's a hard stop. And you feel the flash of annoyance: Grab coffee sometime? Try: “I really appreciate the invitation and I’m anxious to see you, but this is not the best week. How To Say No To Coffee Invitation can offer you many choices to save money thanks to 24 active results. I hope that when I ask someone to coffee that they will take me up on the offer7. Hi NAME, Thanks for this invitation. “… and as a rule, I only schedule 15 minutes for first calls. Similar to X, I request clarification or questions via email. If you want to maximize the status delta, ignore it. If I (we) could make it, I (we) certainly would because it sounds like a lot of fun. For example, if she asked you out in-person, but in front of other people, you may avoid refusing her until you can be alone. I think the interesting underlying dynamic is the status transaction. I’ve pulled together eight email templates that’ll help you say “no” in a variety of situations. How do you say no politely without alienating parents and possibly having to then exclude invited kids from the party because of their parents child care issues. It might hard for him to hear “no” at first, but it will be much nicer in the long run. Get it now on Libro.fm using the button below. Mark Suster has an excellent post on this one: http://www.bothsidesofthetable.c...Excerpt: If it's a "let's have coffee to talk business" and it can be done via email, take it to email -- see Noah's awesome answer. Just say no. “… and my next open slot for a phone call is 2:00 a.m. to 2:15 a.m. Since they’re strangers, they don’t need to know my details and shouldn’t expect me to share. (And I'll usually be explicit about a couple of upcoming things I'm planning on going to.). Where's the acknowledgement of that? I don’t specify what the deadline is. Instead, keep your response simple and straightforward. as well as other partner offers and accept our. Don't they realize that you have a zillion things to do that will likely be more productive than "grabbing coffee sometime? Do you want it?”I’ve never actually had a person in this situation ask for the call, which is really amazing. But the approach itself can be status-raising based on a ton of variables--confidence, looks, etc. Make sure X is something that needs to be generated rather than something they might already have on hand.I've found, when doing this, that all the marginal requests magically melt away and they will simply stop responding to your email and never contact you again. "I can't do coffee but feel free to come by the office for 20 minutes" are the code words for Yes, but on my terms and there's only a short amount of time I can give you. That's been well covered here.One of the best things about Quora is that it's a status equivalency generator. Maybe it’s from a friendly colleague or friend… or even from a friend of a friend. In the same spirit, and that of Ruby Red Labs, we're planning to start having weekly Cereal Bar at Foodspotting on Friday mornings.I've found that having these recurring open houses (they're almost like "office hours") creates a great opportunity to invite "grab coffee sometime" people to drop by and chat. “… and I’m happy to connect, but there is no daylight on my calendar until 2:15 p.m. it gets me out of the office for a quick walk to the coffee shop vs. turning into a cheeks in seat hermit3. I’m a 24/7 kind of guy, and that’s my only open slot for the next several months. Please be polite to guys and don’t do what you just said. I am happy to help or advise if I can5. Opinionated lady. There you are, frantically hacking through email after email in your inbox, when you encounter the latest from a kind person you don't know who wants to just "grab coffee sometime.". Lastly, I'll push it to a phone call while I'm on the bus or driving. The Millionaire Day Planner: A 1-Page Planning Tool. Don’t say “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. I’d love to, but I can’t. ... “Acknowledge the gift of the invitation,” says Helen Odessky, PsyD, a Chicago-based clinical psychologist and author of Stop Anxiety From Stopping You. Step One: Prepare yourself to say “No.”. Kinda hardcore, but I've got a company to run and I'm not going to screw it up because I'm worried about hurting someone's feelings. When you’re talking to Paulina, you’re talking to me. Try one of these word-for-word scripts for saying “no.” Script 1: Declining a business proposal or random acquaintance . Illustration: The Spruce / Chloe Giroux Proper Tone and Wording for Declining an Invitation Sometimes you can state your response in person, on the phone, or simply a check mark on an RSVP card. Saying “No” to an Invitation or Offer. Why don’t we go have coffee or take a walk to talk about it?” Choose your means of … Your time is valuable, but so are all of your relationships. You can get the best discount of up to 50% off. Are they really willing to do the call in the middle of the night? I’m honored, but can’t. Saying no isn’t always easy—but it’s often necessary. When you invite one person out they either say yes or no. Another way to remind yourself that you’re making the right choice is by jotting down a quick list of why you’ve come to this conclusion. Why I Say NO to Coffee Meetings Published on April 7, ... No. "I can't do coffee but feel free to come by the office for 20 minutes" are the code words for Yes, but on my terms and there's only a short amount of time I can give you. You either want to go on a date with a guy now or not. There are a few reasons for doing this:1. coffee is shorter meeting than an in office meeting or lunch2. I had to use a phrase I rarely say (okay, now I say it more often): “No, I won’t meet you for coffee.” Those words were really hard to say. So how do you do it without the other person getting mad at you?To be clear, I want to assure you that “no” is enough. “Be ready in advance so you have a plan when an invitation comes through. '", Thanks to this compendium, you can at least take comfort in the fact that you have company: Others, too, are plagued by hoards of nice well-meaning people who just want to "grab coffee sometime.". This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no. Send a short “Thanks for thinking of me—I’m booked up this month but if you reach out in [some time in the future], I’d love to help however I can.”. And the word deadline has a magic to it, a power that most people can relate to.2. Dear_________, Thank you ever so much for your invitation to (describe invitation). Replace "looks" with "professional accomplishments" in the coffee request.The question should really be "how do you politely turn down someone who you perceive is lower status than yourself?" But I often can catch up on emails during travel or at night. And email is way more efficient than live phone calls.7. A look into the tech transformations underway at the world's largest companies. Literally, 85% of meetings go to this level and then stop. It's nice to run into other people when I am out and aboutWe are a culture of being over scheduled and having too much to do. Yes, it’s stark, but so is the message you want to send. “… but I’m on a deadline right now and am not taking any new meetings until I’m done.”I use this approach often with strangers who cold-contact me. Since I remember how much it meant to me when I was starting out when someone said yes and gave me some of their time, I choose to pay it forward whenever I can, or when I can't, suggest they talk with someone else in my office. If that happens, then you have to make up another excuse. First of all your time, money, and energy (TME) are your most valuable resources; how you choose to spend them is directly related to who you are and ultimately the life you want to live. Sometimes, the most respectful thing for you, for your company and even for the colleague who is asking you to take on more is to say, “No.” Here are some tips for how to decline a request graciously: Then go ahead and schedule that date night. “Unfortunately my schedule makes that impossible, so I’ll need to decline. 2 Remember that the answer you give will be taken as final, and it will be awkward to contradict your RSVP, especially if you included a reason when declining the invitation. LinkedIn recommends the new browser from Microsoft. You don't need to lie. Oops, you over-planned… Here’s how to deal I have a hard time saying no (an impossible time, sometimes, because I want to say yes to everything), so recently I said no to meeting someone for coffee and it was the right call. And then you feel another flash of annoyance: But don't they understand that they are asking you for a favor? Maintain your relationships, if you exist within a relationship-driven industry. The approach above is a gentle nudge that if they really want to talk to me about their business problem, they can do it if they’re willing to pay. There's nothing wrong with pushing it to a month from now because of a packed schedule. Don't burn a bridge over a coffee invite. Don't burn a bridge over a coffee invite. ", Well, fear not. I actually tracked all these coffee meetings for a year and not one led to anything that improved my bottom line. How to politely decline? It can be difficult to feel you are saying the right thing, especially when you have to say ‘no’ or ‘maybe.’ The good news is, with just a few easy steps you’ll be ready to accept and decline invitations politely and confidently in English. I appreciate the invitation, but I am completely booked. We've highlighted some of the best below. You don’t owe it to anyone to have to say more than that. My answer is usually something along the lines of: I'm really focused on the business right now, so I've scaled back my schedule and am not able to have any meetings outside the office. “… but I don’t think I’m the best person; I’d like to refer you to [NAME].”This is an easy one. "I'm sorry, but I'm crazy busy right now" are the code words for No. Well, fortunately, I’m here to help. 1. I appreciate the offer, but I can’t. If I know they’re a persistent stranger just trying to sell me something, I can easily say no. Learn how to respond when someone asks you out for coffee when you know they are actually seeking free business advice. Unfortunately we … Usually they respond with, “Sure, next Thursday afternoon is great, but you had a typo and wrote A.M., that would sure be a crazy time!” I then write back, “No typo. Avoid it altogether and say that you have a special evening planned for just the two of you. this six minute video was simply brilliant, Then check out the rest of the responses on Quora >. Key elements of this email to keep in mind: context, a specific ask, recognition of their time/gratefulness, limited time commitment, convenience, signaling you’ll provide value . ET on [pick a date five months in the future].”This is what I usually say to someone who I don’t know personally but who is vaguely connected in some way (such as a friend of someone who used to work for me a few years ago). How badly do they want to talk to me? And as much as you would like to help each person, there isn’t just enough time. I’m wishing you the best with your project.” It's on Quora (via @stevecheney). Here are my strategies in an effort to block 100% of coffee grabs: a) If the person comes from a friend or respected person (both of these are hard to turn down), I suggest they join me for lunch in my area and let them know ahead of time it's for 30 minutes.Note: Use http://tungle.me and only allow meeting blocks of 15 or 30 minutes. And these kind folks have volunteered more than 50 solutions that are more constructive than the "DEAL WITH IT LATER" folder. The worst thing you can do when you're politely rejecting someone is to string him along. Here’s William with some handy phrases for declining invitations politely. She’s the ultimate decider here.”6. Etiquette assumes all people's time is equally valuable.Most of these answers misunderstand the difference between politenessand doing what is diplomatic/tactical/smart/kind/good/productive/awesome etc.